Canada visa process

Recently there had been an article on Sunday Leader paper on Canada High Commission’s public notice on using immigration consultants. Naturally we too were interviewed (over the phone of course). Few days ago the misfortune of visiting TT Services Lanka befell upon me, for the umpteenth time.

Now I know the big wig at HC Colombo has said some stuff, but I challenge him to find ten people in random that could fill a Canada visa application without help. Well he would find that ten, eventually. Well anything will happen eventually. Say he needs to get through about 200 before finding the ten who could fill the application without error in one go. To make matters worse, TTS is coining it out too. The novel .PDF format is impossible to be opened with piss poor machines here, then it needs printing on the fly. There simply ain’t any machines out here to do it.

Spousal detail application is undoubtedly the worst bit. I have filled out 3 when I went there this time – free of charge of course, and even I find it confusing! TTS will eat your day for minor errors and they will ask for another $3 or 4 for filling them up, and the pictures you take are always wrong, no matter what.

In short, whole visa process is a cash cow for the TTS whose service is abysmal, and a form of entertainment for the Canada High Commission who would anyways reject the bulk of applications.

And now you say don’t go to consultants! Wicked, isn’t it.

Unlike the good high Commissioner feller at the fortified Canada HC Colombo (no kidding, the place is like a high security prison – see for yourself if in doubt), I keep a middle ground on this. I believe there is a need for consultants and advisors regardless of what, for many people are unable to put documents in order or fill up the silly visa applications in order to be successful in their quest. But I am against those so called “Migration experts” who unashamedly exploit ignorance of the common public to levy a fat fee for doing something simple as filling up an application!

The Quaker

Now that the earthquake prediction by the learned professor at Peradeniya Girl's High School has come to nothing, I decided that it needs some careful scientific evaluation.

The matter, though looking quite complex, is not beyond the reasoning powers of nitwits like myself it seems. Well, what actually causes earthquakes? Its simply plate tectonics – that is the entire surface of the earth is covered be several massive rigid plates or rock. Underneath these plates, rocks move, giving the plates a somewhat “fluidity” nature making them free to move around a bit. When these plates rub together, or move away apart or whatever, rocks break, and you get an earthquake. Well its a pretty simplified version of the story, but I suppose you get the idea.

So this tells us that primary cause of quakes is right under our feet. But there are other factors involved too, such as the weight of oceans acting on the plates (newish theory fitting global warming), rocks being weakened by underground nuclear bomb tests (again a newish one), etc. what I am trying to say here is that its not just these plates acting independently – outside (well, of course very much within world) factors have a bit of a say too. Now our good tutor had introduced a novel factor, gravitation of planetary arrangements.

Now this is not a new theory as it sounds – moon's gravity has been observed to play a part in high and low tides. So why not on earthquakes? Scientifically, the idea warrants some good investigation. But how you go about it is a different matter. Good professor would have done himself some good had he applied Newton into equation, balanced the gravitational forces acting on earth at the given time, find a significant correlation, and then tallied that with planetary arrangements. Except he chose to start from last step and then proceeded directly onto the conclusion.

Science is done by taking various factors into consideration, then eliminating non contributory factors, finding a correlation, producing a mechanism of causation (if possible), and then making predictions: Which will be tested harshly. Even schoolgirls know that there is something called “Control” in an experiment, where you cant have one, you have to make compensations. Surely we cant make another earth without Jupiter anywhere near it to act as the control. But we could look if more severe gravitational pulls (or pushes for that matter) have caused even minor quakes, let alone ones causing village sweeping tsunamis. Cant go much off course there as there are about 5000 quakes out there per any given year, most are of course minor affairs, but they can help us to study correlations if there are any.

Going for the big fish at the first go might not be such a clever idea, as the sad case of the professor suggests. Heaven help those who are tutored by him, for they will be the policy-makers around here when I take my retirement package out. Time to get myself a visa to a saner place.

Ironically, the government & media who gave the coverage to misfired prediction have now turned on the poor academic, accusing him of scaremongering. Hero to zero in less than a week. Nice career path kiddies. This move is surely more insane than Doc's. Firstly, they ought to have asked some other experts on this matter before making it look like something emailed directly by God himself. Looking for a sensational story, they went for the bigger fish too. Of course they were eating their words later on, and having no other recourse, turned on poor feller who probably was a mere spectator watching helplessly how things got out of hand. I mean he was not in the process of making a big ho ho over this, just a short description of some putative causation he had observed, most likely mouthed after some strong spirits at the college bar, but when media took over, there was no escape for the poor feller. I think he finally did wish a tsunami or a meteorite or even a dinosaur to pop out of nowhere and put him out of his misery. Alas, the good Lord has not granted his wishes, showing you how cruel things could get down here.....

I am ranting because I have a minor question to ask here: What exactly is scaremongering?

How would science progress if we silence our scientists in this manner? To be honest, the feller was convinced he saw a connection and he simply stated what he saw. Salt pillaring him will only serve to silence others who may not be so sloppy in their methods and come up with a real causation factor. Besides he did not ask people to pack up and leave something like that. For all, I suppose we'd be better off if we had the media hacks on trial for irresponsible reporting and real scaremongering, not a person who is surely at liberty to proclaim something that would have benefited us all had he been right after all – even for all the wrong reasoning.

John F. Kennedy once said: Let us never fear to negotiate, but let us never negotiate without fear.

I think two bit reporters here ought to substitute negotiate with report(ing) – and stick it on their desks, lest they forget.

Happy New Year

Well, here we are at yet another new year. Second one since January. For those benighted souls unfamiliar with Sri Lanka, note that we have a couple of new years, just like the Chinese. What are my new year wishes then? Hell, I ain't wishing for anything. At least it brought some peace & quiet and I have a small backlog to clear too. Other than that – nothing. Oh there is meeting the neighbours (who probably think I am either gay or Jewish or even worse, crazy) with plates full of traditional foodies, and seeing some forgotten relations, OK the list is long, and I have to admit the new year is aptly celebrated by myself. And there is no underestimating its historical and cultural significance.

So why was howling if it were of that value, you might venture to ask. Well its a long story and an LA psychotherapist will have a field day if I recounted. Now I don't like the psychotherapists with all there pseudo-science and repressed memories and all. The very reason that I try not to take new year seriously is those psychotherapists and there counterparts in Sri Lanka – The Astrologers.

Now I had a skeptical approach to all those gods, planets, karma and all since I was just a weenie, and I don't like them scaring the living daylights out of nice old ladies out there who take astrology a tad too seriously. Sure its a good past-time, like watching paint dry, when you are bored s***less. Taking serious is another kettle of fish to be sure. These guys are trying to scare us with there predictions and bogeymen – just think of it when you are about 10 years and.....

One day, long ago, I thought to myself, is it all true? Harder my pre teenage brain tried to tackle the problem, more absurd it grew. Like Descartes, like one of those famed philosophers, it suddenly happened to me that astrology is bunk. Took me some time to come to terms with a world without bogeymen, a world without predictions, a world without planetary help... ad infinitum. But one gets used to anything with time, and by the times I hit mid teens, I was out of clutches of monsters that live only on our minds and who scare most people out here, those neighbours eating my sweet-meats included. No wonder they think I am odd. I mean they are on the lookout for Saturn (most vicious planet) & afterlife problems, while I have no care in the world as far as those matters are concerned... Odd lad indeed. Is he ****? lets have them guessing, lest one of their daughters fall in my bed due to some past karma which I might have committed unthinkingly in a past life.

I have taken ample precautions not to commit one in this life, mind you; well, not around the neighbourhood anyways.

Now this brings us to the earthquake predictions offered by the esteemed professor at the Peradeniya University (no less). Now I must confess that I harboured some doubts to the use of word university on that institution – specially as it had declined academically during the past 25 odd years. Peradeniya Girl's High School would be a rather apt name in place of the U word. To cut it short, this feller out there had predicted an earthquake in around Japan. Who couldn't? There is hardly any need to predict, we are all waiting for Atlas shrugging his shoulders. Its true there is a serious concern around misuse of science and prediction of the inevitable here, but I must say that feller had some grounds – other than mere statistical inevitability out there.

Sadly for him, he chose the worst moment to come out of the closet: The new year season.

Why? Cause this is the time when astrologers hijack historical event of Sinhala new year with all their catch words and junk science. No one is going to look at you in a soft light in these troubled times, like those octals with periodic table (chemistry OK – not those other periods, you are trouble if you missed one of those, specially with octals, just think of child support if nothing else – scared are you?), it is all a matter of very bad way of putting things which would have drawn some favourable attention had it not been the cause.

So do I take him seriously?

Nope, its all hogwash and I too could make a few predictions on that matter, its the earthquake season you dummy. 

To hell with quakes and all. 

Just simply have a Very Happy New Year you all.

Darwin Awards, anyone?

Since that debacle at World Cup, some people here are seeing that Sanga and his team deserve the Darwin Award, for exiting from the cricketing gene pool to make space for fitter contenders. That may all be fine, except these people do not realise that Cricket (is) by Chance, it might not appear so with all these referrals and TV umpires on fire. But the adage still holds, and there I believe, in MHO, the beauty of the game, making it unique among any other game out there: Who wants stupid football when you have this blessing of uncertainty worked into the game itself!

Besides we did not come out as hopelessly as some people paint it out, we are the runners up, and India did have to put out some effort to get the grail.

Now back to visa matters: Is there any award for those who voluntarily exit from Sri Lanka gene pool through coveted UK/USA/Aus/Canada/et al visa?

It may all sound derogatory, but in reality, with them goes the cream of local intelligentsia and skills base. Why are they all so hell bent on leaving? Truth is, there is no future here for an honest buck. The system just won’t allow it.

Darwin Award, or rather some other more gruesome award ought to be given to local politicians, who sustain this system – they thrive in it, like bugs in dirty sewer water.

Yet I would like to make two nominations for the Darwin Award – I know it’s a tad late in one case, but uniqueness of stupidity and utter ignorance & greed displayed amply makes up to merit a special consideration.

The Fashion Victim

Well, there has been a tsunami in Japan and we all know how dreadful it was. We had a similar experience here in 2004, a much larger scale one compared to Japs. Now I must tell you that we had no idea what a tsunami was till it hit us. In fact, very word itself was unknown – among my cohorts, I was the only one who knew the word before, never mind the consequences.     

Yet, many people ran for cover when they saw the black monster wave coming towards them, coconut tree high, with a sound and a stink to match. It had been reported that most of the wild life had escaped too, and in a temple in the South, domestic (oh, well templestic) cat & dog have averted the tsunami and returned to the devastated temple when threat expired. Some monks were not so lucky though.

To cut a long story short, there was group of people (indirectly known to me) in a van, at the very gaping mouth of the tsunami, and it needed no academic knowledge for them to realise the imminent danger they are in – one look at the wave was enough to wet your pants. And all ran for safety, including the sick, the aged, the young & ignorant. Yes all.

Oh with the honourable exception of our nominee, who ran back to collect her shoe, she got off the van, ran towards tsunami – to collect the shoe. And how much was this precious object worth? $ 2.50 or LESS, just turn around a corner and you’d find better ones at a bargain price. I am sure she qualifies hands down, specially as she almost took the rest of the party with her (waited 10 precious seconds to let her back in) Except that evolution had other plans. Thank Lord.

The Trainspotter

I was reading Lankadeepa news paper yesterday. Now this one is going to be short. A few mates get together for a drink – the curse of Sri Lanka as a whole- and after their fill, most of the group had split. So of the remaining, two had decided to take a short stroll and in their drunken stupor, they found the ideal spot to rest a while: The Express Train Tracks. Oh baby, this is going to wild, one had found the sleepers to be ideal for a nap, and the rails soft and quite comforting. Sleeps he like a log, across the tracks. The other had decided to find rails rather comfy on the bottom to sit on and contemplate those deep philosophical matters pertaining to life and death…

When the train came, express and all, just around the corner, the engine driver noticed them in the nick of time. Sure it was too late to brake, but he did his best. The lovely sight of the oncoming train was enough to bring our armature philosopher out into the real world and he got off the nick of time. His mate, well he is with the angels. Why recommend them for Darwins? Cause they did have sense enough to know what they were doing except they were too lazy to get off. Testament at the inquest by the surviving mate was enough to send them off the deliberating committee.

Amen  

Sri Lanka v India 2011 World Cup Finals

As you know the (second?) biggest event on the Sri Lanka calendar had come to an end, it sure was great entertainment, yet things did not go our way. What a shame. Well the Indians had Sri Lanka openers on the rack from the beginning – stifling run rate and building up pressure. No one familiar with cricket bothered – this is world cup finals, not a college match this is how it should be.

Things were beginning to look rosy as Dilshan got going and Sangakkara settled at crease. In comes Yuvraj (Singh) and the commentators on Sri Lanka side misread Dhoni. I knew despite negative remarks Yuvraj was the man who would make some waves. And he hadn’t let me down. Got Sangakkara to tip off to Dhoni and later on trapped Samaraweera lbw on a promising path for 21. So much for the pundit commentators & their opinion.  

Skies looked all cloudy again, and sun shone through as Mahela got going, with an un beaten World Cup century – only the second time a Sri Lankan had done that. To hell with it, there are only five of them to count anyways. So stop whining. And Kulasekara was anchoring the other end with a superb knock of 32 out of 41, later on martyring to spare Mahela.

Greater love haths no man than this, for he laid down his wicket for his friend. My original biblical version has a typo of substituting W for L there. Does anyone want it?

And the one to follow was Perera, and boy did he bat. He was the architect of bringing Sri Lanka to respectable score of 274 so now you can appear on that web cam without covering your face. Last over was a display of batting fireworks and sure enough re lit the hopes of bringing the Holy Grail home from the heathen (Australians) hordes in far off lands.

What were the Indians doing? Well they bowled well, had a plan, and most of all the fielding was spot on. I know both teams were tired, but Indians did their level best in the running around and catching bit.

Indian Summer

They were not up with a good start either and things were certainly looking gloomy as the openers were dismissed cheaply. Specially Sachin, and Malinga was making his magic out there. And Christ knows there was a long pause between the next few wickets to fall: I looked at the run rate, the ones to come and then I looked at the ground. Was not very conductive to scoring with a slowish outfield, but spin was hard to come by (specially as Muraly was injured) and night air will carry the ball away on the ropes if you put enough in to it with the willow.

An other sip of that Carlsberg and a bit of drunken contemplation of life, universe and everything, I came up with the ultimate answer. 40 something. Was it more than 42? Well it was. But still below 50 you know, making it forty something..

Maybe an other sip of the amber liquid might make my mind clearer to go onto deeper contemplation. Took an other (I am trying to bug you with another an other) sip, things started looking amber now. Not rosy, not gloomy, just amber.

Fielding was pathetic and Gambhir was well on his way to another (an other) World Cup century – something unheard of ever before and I was a bit worried. To their credit, the Sri Lanka bowlers did their bit and fielding was still crap. Perera had cleaned up Gambhir for 97 at the brink of his coveted century and a new world record. And then Dhoni was playing a captain’s innings with an unbeaten 91 and Kholi was on good form too. That lad was dismissed for 35 odd by a superb bit of bowling & fielding by Dilshan, best bit of the entire match I would remember to tell to grand children. Except there are none yet, but time will tell.  

To wrap it up, Sangakkara made the blunder of calling Perera to bowl the next to last over, the pressure was too much for the youngster who conceded 13 odd in that over. Fate of the cup had being sealed, and poor Malinga had nothing to bowl at. Randive was disheartened by the fielding reactions he got and Murali was simply not fit to bowl – yet did more than was asked form him.

A lovely 6 over the ropes by Dhoni brought the despicable fielding performance by Sri Lanka to a quicker end as Indians sailed onto the World Championship on home grounds with a good display of sportsmanship and some fine planning & execution.

What did the Sanga had to say at the end of all of it?

“I was unable to tie up bowling and fielding together”,

Or something to that effect. Tying up? With a rope? There is one out there unused at the Welikada gallows if you’d consider hanging yourself.

As I said before, hindsight is a blessing you only enjoy after the show, when the horse had bolted with your wife riding it….

All in all, it must be said this was a good display of cricket, except its nowhere near entertaining as the previous cup finals, and congrats to Indians. You deserved it and was not gotten by you without a struggle. Won hard, you ought to lavish it more.

India 277/4 wins the World Cup 2011 beating Sri Lanka 274/6 with 6 wickets and 10 balls remaining.    

The (Illicit) Visa Agent ii

The cricket has seeped through everything, and has overshadowed the adventure with the visa agent….

Remember I told you that reason had won over greed? Well that was so. And it stands there. But alas, enter a bigger player in to the game: Curiosity.

Ultimately, the curiosity within me to find out who she is, what uncouth plan she had, and what fun I could have listening to yarns she spin – they all foot soldiers, overcame everything else to the contrary and I decided to fix up an appointment to meet up and discuss the issue.

To be on the safe side, I let her get there first (no this is not crime fiction where hero gets first and lays in ambush). Besides McDonalds at Rajagiriya is not too far a shore to sail. Again a defensive stroke, went there, mingled in the crowds, found a good vantage point – and gave her a ring (phone ring that was – not the “Other” ring). Well saw her pick up, checked who else was there, it looked easy prey, she was all by herself.

Well, to cut it all short, she did not have a blue clue about the visa process.

“I can do rejections you know”.

Oh fine, what will be the procedure in that?

“All I want is the rejection letter, then they’d call them for an interview..”

OK fine, but how come they reverse the decision and call for an interview when the decision was made and informed and passport returned? Won’t there be a prob if someone checked?

“Oh my contact is in and out of the embassy all the time, he literally lives there, it’s the visa officer who makes decision – the guy who actually decides to give or not the visa. Its visa officer you know..”

It was no point going on about that. She was arrogant and went to lengths in clarifying things. Now this is a sure sign of this person feeling insecure with my cross questions. I was convinced she was ill informed, deceived (or is trying to deceive me), and was not sure if her “contact” could actually stamp the visas.

All that she wants is another – passport, to try out if she’d be able to make a killing out of it. 

What am I going to do? Like the last time, I bought myself some more time. Next step is to give her a passport through a collaborating friend, or a visa refusal letter to see how things turn out. I have everything on the record and the next stop of HMS Curious is to reach the hostile shores of Officio Corruptiona – with the aid of Medea.  

Why? Cause I need to know who the natives of that land are, if there indeed any.

Minor revision there: I have met a few of them in the past. This time I just checking out the new arrivals…………