Sri Lanka v New Zealand - The ruffle of Kiwi feathers

It looks like I had forgotten to talk about the NZ v Sri Lanka – the penultimate contest of interest in the Cricket World Cup. Its bit of a double entendre, as The ultimate contest in world cup was of course India v Pakistan. If the football world cup weren’t there, the match between India & Pakistan would be the world’s most tuned in sporting event, no doubt. Not even the Finals of Cricket World Cup could match IndiPak match – and we all know who won there. You’d have seen some green faced people up out there in the streets of London or Birmingham or Southhall for that matter.

As things looked, NZ were not in their full form and there had been no depth in batting as was expected from the Kiwis. Sri Lanka on the other hand, have been as unpredictable as ever. Anyways it all boiled down to 217 for 10 with some balls to spare, seven to be precise. Then it was the Sri Lanka turn to bat. They were administering the same medicine they had fed to England. One little mistake though, Kiwis were in better shape than the England team, who were all weary with a long season with Ashes (victory) behind them. Kiwis, specially thanks to Vettori, were not taking the full dose and were putting up stiff resistance in defence of their modest score. At no match before had the pendulum of victory swung so decisively – NZ were casting the same spell they used so effectively on South Africa. At the last 5 overs or so, things looked positively gloomy for Sri Lanka as they had just lost another batsman. And in comes Angelo, what a name! Angelo – Angel – meaning the messenger. The message was clear, Angelo the harbinger of positive news for Sri Lanka. As soon as he walks in, I knew the Kiwis were doomed, for only a few runs were required and there were balls to spare, and there was hope again.

With all that hope and calculation, it was not the batting that took the game off Kiwis at the end. It was those 5 leg bys and the 4 through the overthrow which cost them dearly at the end.

And the winning run: 4 off to the boundary by Matthews (Angelo). Its all over.

Oh no, the umpire calls it a dead ball.

Replay, nothing techie there to call it off, whats going on!

Single, and Thilan comes to the crease.

Four to thirdman by Thilan its all wrapped up.

That unlucky number of 13 balls to spare too…

Victory and you should have seen face of Vettori!  

Sri Lanka 220 / 5 beat New Zealand 217 by five wickets

Ps A firework had gone off right at the moment of delivery of that dead ball! Lest you wonder, and umpire was right to call it off.

The (Illicit) Visa Agent

So, cricket is going good and the week held no other promise of surprises as it was, that was till yesterday. Then yesterday morning I came to the office and there had been a call from Mrs. S.

Sir, there was a call from some Mrs. S., she said she can arrange visas to Europe for a fee, says my lovely PA as I was unpacking at the desk.

Oh, we don’t do them you know, must be a cranky case to have the audacity to openly solicit such a business, glad you weaved your way out of it.

So I put the matter to rest there and was contemplating the number of calls I get each week from both ends of this spectrum. That is people seeking illegal visas and people offering that service (asking us to find clients). My experience is to steer clear of them as soon as you get the wind of it. Firstly, though I know that few visa officers are offering visas for money. But they are hard to be found and the fee is beyond the reach of mortals. But they are there, and I have seen solid evidence. Secondly, the lamb like passengers seeking illegal entry are actually wolves in sheep clothing, if you did arrange the service, you aren’t going to get any money off them after the visa was issued.

I put my head down, look at some old files which needs attention, then the emails and other formalities. And then rings the phone, PA picks it up, and says “its Mrs. S again”. Surely I thought we heard the last from her and yet there she is on the phone waiting for me. Life. Lets try out some pleasantries and see what she really wants.

Hello, I say.

“Oh hello, I called in the morning, and was not able to get hold of you. I saw your advert on the newspaper. I can arrange Italy visa for under one million for anyone you care to forward. I have contacts with the visa officer and (@@) says can do this without any documents”.

Now this clearly is a business opportunity. But then again, I am not into that business. Yet the poor woman’s terms were those you can’t refuse. One million for an Italy visa! Surely the black market price is another 2/3 added to it and this is genuine through the embassy itself. There was the conflict inside me, tearing me apart, the money, the ease, the clear cut way it was offered…. But there was a voice in the back there saying “she’s a fraud, she can give no visa and you, of all people out there should know”. Conversation was going on, while internal struggle being won by reason over greed. I need to be diplomatic here.

Can I consider this for a couple of days and get back to you?

Surely this would buy some time and if I don’t call her, she’d drop it there. After all the number of fools out there is plenty and by Wednesday, there will be an easy prey for her somewhere else. Poor soul, may it rest in (jail?) peace.  

England v Sri Lanka

Well the cricket mania has engulfed us all again. A few yards on a busy sidewalk may not be achieved without overhearing a comment by some mushroomed “expert” whose (ill?) informed opinion causes you to slow momentarily to register the face – lest it could be one of those long forgotten cricketing heroes now relegated to voicing on the soap box. It is hard to draw the boundary line of their jurisdiction, they make dangerous drives into who should or should not be in the line-up, they hit on umpiring decisions over the fence for a six, and there are some lovely straight drives on where it all went wrong (hindsight, after all, is a blessing 11 inside the boundary enjoy AFTER the game), and then there are some Doosras which even an expert on the matter might find difficult to face. All in all it all keeps the atmosphere sunny and surely its for the good of the game: We need an informed public, at least as far as cricket is concerned. Voting at elections of course is a different kettle of fish. Oh let us not venture to attempt that stroke, the field placement isn’t right and you’d be caught at (on that) silly point.

Despite all this fanfare, I cared not much, until I found that England was playing. Now I must tell you there is a hidden Anglophile living in me – like one of those horrid Freudian complexes. As was the case with Freud, there is of course you know what involved in my love for England, but that surely is a personal matter and we are on about cricket here, let not bowl that full toss in there. Tossing could bring your ruin, in cricket of otherwise, as was found out by the England captain….

It had been a long day and I joined the match a tad too late. England was on the rocks, having being restricted to a paltry 229 – which was not an indefensible score on Premadasa ground – they needed a bowling plan to defend the meek score. Bowling changes were coming but Bopara wasn’t getting a hold. Poor lad, that incident with Dilhara must have scarred him for life – took him to the brink did that one. I know this was last cup, but these things have long lasting effects as any Freudian can testify to you.

Things were going our way and this might be the good time to pinch some Englishmen, I thought. Now who could be within my reach….. lets see. Oh here he is. Mr Lord. Called long distant to his home and it turned out the merry miner had crossed over to meet his maker. Things thus took off with a sadder note and felt guilty as I wasn’t checking up on him. Surely he was someone who should have been here on Earth for some more time, for he had a sunny disposition and made all things bright. Took me sometime to ponder it all, and there was almost a maiden over. Wasn’t feeling all that bouncy after both news and suddenly I was gripped by some unknown fear, I mean there is death and then there is the English Collapse. The first had come (Mr Lord) and the second could be imminent on the pitch out there.

Call and ye shall regret it for the rest of your life – and be the butt of jokes on sand castles. Time to ponder longer and perhaps follow the match a bit too, just to make sure we have steered clear of the troubled waters.

Things were getting sunnier and Sri Lanka was 150 for no loss with overs to spare. And the line up to follow was not exactly made up of weaklings either. Lets try some Paki out there. “Hello mate, how is the match going hey?”

“Match? Tis not till Wednesday I tell you, what you got off the wrong side of the bed or something?”

Took me a minute to sink in and realised he was referring to India v Pakistan to be played on Wednesday. The cricketing season had brought out all petty loyalty issues and the Asian community was not following England as a past time, as their primary object of attention of course was…..

Oh sod them, lets try John, who couldn’t have any past track record which may anger Mr Enoch Powell. Surely he must be following and my victim. Typed the SMS, and reply comes in return post. “The game is fine so far”

What, I wondered, fine? You could say that on the gallows at Nuremberg and would have made more sense than this. Fine, huh. Another SMS sent indicating “its not exactly on the fence” meaning the bloody thing is sunk really, but one has to be polite.

“Well no as England will win easily Wales have no fight in them that’s so obvious fr the way there playing”

Oh s££t he is ignorant how to spell Sri Lanka, should I go on? All the good people in London are following the Tory leaders with rotten eggs and I want someone to wind up. No, it has to be John, “mate, you are sunk in this match and the show is pitiable” It was 195 odd for none then. Hurry, the time is running out.

“I was talking about the ftball as 4 cricket England have lost that one”

There you go, they have all given up, and it was no point wasting hard earned money into jeering people who have humbly accepted defeat.

Ah, still few more runs to score and the other unbeaten batsman is in the verge of his World Cup century. Lets grab that iced coffee and relax in here, this is going to be fun.

 SL (231/0) beat England (229/6) by 10 wickets

UK Student Visa Changes

"The changes announced yesterday (in London) will protect the interests of high quality Indian students wishing to study in the UK. These changes are however bad news for all those students, institutions and unscrupulous agents who have tried to abuse the student visa route" says Chris Dix to Indian newspaper. 

The statement, on the face value, looks to make Dick out of Mr Dix. Despite being a bad news to many of us (me included), I have to confess that I secretly welcomed this change, as my personal experience with many of these so called "students" and there agents have been less than flattering. Most of these courses are utterly meaningless - with no clear demarcation of where it stars and then leading to nowhere when it all ends. I mean, what do they do after completing these "academic" courses? Time to time, I take out some time, over a cold beer or two - better still with a glass of brandy next to me, to go into the meditative contemplation of the world question Number One in my universe: What’s this guy going to do afterwards? Beats me, and alcohol doesn’t help either.

It is a shame that these students are ones that stoke the fires that cast bogus "colleges”, with no academic staff, no proper library facilities, no anything to be honest. And the students don’t know they have been duped – there are no jobs out there, you are not going to make the money you spent on the course and your agent Mr G. W. Shark, that diploma is better used to seal draft on wintry days than at job interviews….. the list, and its logical conclusions are utterly bewildering now I need another fag to get my sanity back again.

British Universities have been going down the hill since late 80's, since they turned all polytechnics into universities - none of these new universities have excelled in academic record, and the red brick universities have followed suite. They have axed real departments such as classics, maths, physics, and chemistry. In their place new departments have sprung out: Those which teach Aromatherapy, Women's studies, Media studies, and of course silly business study programmes. How these people (graduates) will chip into the future society and its problems, I do not know. All I know is they have got utterly meaningless degrees and being passed with 1st classes through silly assessment systems.

And now on the top of that we have these silly colleges with Business English, Accounting English?, and whatnot other courses. To hell with them all, and i have no sympathy for them when axe falls on them. What we need for future are bright academics, not people who wasted their youth in McDonald's crew (followed by) and  pointless lectures two days per week, by untrained staff without credentials, leading to a staged "assessment" and then finding themselves with the possession of a meaningless piece of paper which is called "An Academic Diploma" (not my words).

That was a bit fiery bit above I guess, but truth needs to be told, even in anonymity..... Then again, as usual in the Big Blighty, they have taken regulations to the extreme. More you look at them, more absurd it all looks as these regulations do not address any of the issues that we need to face, that is making funds available to the universities, improving academic quality, finding jobs for graduates, cutting top up fees, increasing the grant, making universities more approachable to all, etc. Well, knowing the bunch involved in this whole fiasco, I did not expect them to come up with anything of value anyways. I knew they'd make a mess before they even started on it, and verily I say unto you, they have.

Yet, then again, there is always the light at the end of the tunnel. 

And it turned out to be a glow-worm. 

Wife of the Missing Journalist

They can’t say that, how come they say that?

The journalist’s wife sends another volley at the ECO. Well, ECO can say anything, don’t you know they got diplomatic immunity? I ask. Well they got diplomatic idiocy, I am telling you… She is not happy.

Each week I get to hear about half a dozen of these grievances, and my toes curl each time the phone rings on those red letter days. Hell, another one. But how can I complain, nobody asked me to become a visa consultant. Groping in the dark, I found this one and held onto it tenaciously. Come light, you find out what a monster you got there. Once a king somewhere asked Hercules to bring Cerberus, the dog of the underworld. When the beast was actually presented to the king, he realised what a mistake it was to bring this lovely creature to this side of the wall, and wisely requested from Hercules to take it back to where it was in pronto. Except I have no place to take my Cerberus.

Each day I find that level of idiocy among the ECO clan is on the rise, more than once I was asked where they come from. Ah, Surbiton I guess, I retort. So where is Surbiton? What’s wrong with that place? Questions are endless. And the answers are limited. No wonder economic theory about satisfying unlimited desires with limited resources got into trouble in its infancy. Surbiton you mean? They ask. Well it’s a nice place to be…. Oh, then why is the ECO such an idiot? Another volley, this one rather directed at me. I was getting the wind of it. She’d let go of the ECO and chase after me instead. “Well you see, HMP Belmarsh is running out of space, those who can be released, but yet too risky to be held in UK are sent here….” “Ha, I see, that explains it. It sounds like an awful place to be, I mean just look at the feller’s attitude”. Yeah, a deeply traumatised bunch of people they are………. I concur.

Chapter Closed, for the time being that is.

(to be continued)